but looks simple enough to make. You use Milano cookies.
melted chocolate, marshmallows, and chocolate chips for the eyes
Well someone posted their finished product on Craft Fail. I laughed so
hard, it looks like some of my craft attempts.
The site of full of funny craft boo boos. So when your craft flops,
there is a special place for them.
See the finished product below that one hard working crafter posted....
And the winner is.......
In the beginning, which occurred near the start, there was nothing but God,
darkness, and some gas. The Bible says, 'The Lord thy God is one, but I
think He must be a lot older than that.
Anyway, God said, 'Give me a light!' and someone did.
Then God made the world.
He split the Adam and made Eve. Adam and Eve were naked, but they weren't
embarrassed because mirrors hadn't been invented yet.
Adam and Eve disobeyed God by eating one bad apple, so they were driven from
the Garden of Eden.....Not sure what they were driven in though, because they
didn't have cars.
Adam and Eve had a son, Cain, who hated his brother as long as he was Abel.
Pretty soon all of the early people died off, except for Methuselah, who lived
to be like a million or something.
One of the next important people was Noah, who was a good guy, but one of his
kids was kind of a Ham. Noah built a large boat and put his family and some
animals on it. He asked some other people to join him, but they said they would
have to take a rain check.
After Noah came Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. Jacob was more famous than his
brother, Esau, because Esau sold Jacob his birthmark in exchange for some pot
roast. Jacob had a son named Joseph who wore a really loud sports coat.
Another important Bible guy is Moses, whose real name was Charlton Heston.
Moses led the Israel Lights out of Egypt and away from the evil Pharaoh after
God sent ten plagues on Pharaoh's people. These plagues included frogs,
mice, lice, bowels, and no cable.
God fed the Israel Lights every day with manicotti. Then he gave them His Top
Ten Commandments. These include: don't lie, cheat, smoke, dance, or covet
your neighbor's stuff.
Oh, yeah, I just thought of one more: Humor thy father and thy mother.
One of Moses' best helpers was Joshua who was the first Bible guy to use
spies. Joshua fought the battle of Geritol and the fence fell over on the town.
After Joshua came David. He got to be king by killing a giant with a
slingshot. He had a son named Solomon who had about 300 wives and 500
porcupines. My teacher says he was wise, but that doesn't sound very wise
After Solomon there were a bunch of major league prophets. One of these was
Jonah, who was swallowed by a big whale and then barfed up on the shore.
There were also some minor league prophets, but I guess we don't have to
worry about them.
After the Old Testament came the New Testament. Jesus is the star of The
He was born in Bethlehem in a barn. (I wish I had been born in a barn
because my mom is always saying to me, 'Close the door! Were you born in a
barn?' It would be nice to say, 'As a matter of fact, I was.')
During His life, Jesus had many arguments with sinners like the Pharisees
Jesus also had twelve opossums.
The worst one was Judas Asparagus. Judas was so evil that they named a
terrible vegetable after him.
Jesus was a great man. He healed many leopards and even preached to some
Germans on the Mount.
But the Democrats and all those guys put Jesus on trial before Pontius the
Pilot. Pilot didn't stick up for Jesus. He just washed his hands instead.
Anyways, Jesus died for our sins, then came back to life again. He went up
Heaven but will be back at the end of the Aluminum. His return is foretold
the book of Revolution.
Technology for Country Folk
Log On - Making a wood stove hot
Log Off - Too much wood on fire
Monitor - Keep'n an eye on the wood stove
Down Load - Gitten the farwood off'n the truck
Mega Hertz - When yer not keerfull gitten the farwood
Floppy Disc - Whatcha git from tryin to tote too much farwood
Ram - That thar thang what splits the farwood
Hard Drive - Gitten home in the winter time
Windows - Whut to shut when its cold outside
Screen - Whut to shut when its black fly season
Byte - Whut dem dang flys do
Chip - Munchies fer the TV
Micro Chip - Whut's in the bottom of the munchie bag
Modem - Whatcha do to the hay fields
Dot Matrix - Ole Dan Matrix's wife
Lap Top - Whar the kitty sleeps
Keyboard - Whar you hang the dang truck keys
Software - Dem dang plastic forks and knifes
Mouse - What eats the grain in the barn
Mouse Pad - That's hippie talk fer where the mouse lives
Main Frame - Holds up the barn roof
Port - Fancy flatlander wine
Enter - Notherner talk fer "C'Mon in y'all"
Click - Whut you hear when you cock yer gun
Double Click - When you cock the double barrel
Reboot - Whut you have to do right before bedtime, when you have to go to the outhouse
Day 1- My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant.
Day 2 - Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair ... must try this on their bed.
Day 3 - Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was ... Hmmm. Not working according to plan.
Day 4 - I am finally aware of how sadistic they are. For no good reason I was chosen for the water torture. This time however it included a burning foamy chemical called "shampoo." What sick minds could invent such a liquid. My only consolation is the piece of thumb still stuck between my teeth.
Day 5- There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the foul odor of the glass tubes they call "beer." More importantly I overheard that my confinement was due to MY power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.
Day 6- I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird on the other hand has got to be an informant, and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room, his safety is assured.
But I can wait, it is only a matter of time ...
Click Here For Great Gifts for CAT LOVERS at Enchanted Designs.
Church Bulletin Bloopers
Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.
The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday morning.
The pastor will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing, "Break Forth Into Joy."
Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.
The eighth graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the church basement Friday at 7 p.m. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
Thursday night Potluck Supper. Prayer and medication to follow.
Weight Watchers will meet at 7 p.m. at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
The Lutheran Men's group will meet at 6 PM. Steak, mashed potatoes, green beans, bread and dessert will be served for a nominal feel.
Don't let worry kill you, let the church help.
This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.
Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa will be speaking tonight at Calvary Memorial Church in Racine. Come tonight and hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.
The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind and they may be seen in the church basement Friday.
Announcement for a National PRAYER and FASTING Conference: "The cost for attending the Fasting and Prayer conference includes meals."
Miss Charlene Mason sang "I will not pass this way again" giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
Next Sunday is the family hay ride and bonfire at the Fowlers'. Bring your own hot dogs and guns. Friends are welcome! Everyone come for a fun time.
During the absence of our Pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege of hearing a good sermon when J.F. Stubbs supplied our pulpit.
The church will host an evening of fine dining, superb entertainment, and gracious hostility.
This evening at 7 P.M. there will be a hymn sing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
"Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands."
A kindergarten teacher handed out a coloring page
to her class. On it was a picture of a duck
holding an umbrella. The teacher told her class
to color the duck in yellow and the umbrella green,
however, Bobby, the class rebel, colored the duck
a bright fire truck red. After seeing this,
the teacher asked him: "Bobby, how many times have
you seen a red duck?" Young Bobby replied with "The
same number of times I've seen a duck holding an umbrella."